Baghdad Bob Demands Unconditional Surrender

Cross-posted: Little Tiny Lies.

BAGHDAD (April 11) REUTERS - Today Iraqi Information Minister Saeed "Baghdad Bob" al-Sahaf surfaced briefly to announce that Iraq's Republican Guard had succeeded in conquering the U.S., the United Kingdom, Australia, two of Jupiter's moons, and the fictional Republic of Elbonia, made famous in the comic strip Dilbert.

Al-Sahaf apologized to reporters for starting his press conference at noon, explaining that he had spent the night in a Ba'ath Party brothel being serviced by Diane Sawyer, Posh Spice, and dozens of Elbonian "comfort girls." Said al-Sahaf, "They are plain compared to the beautiful women of Baghdad, but we improve them by treating their upper lips with Minoxidil."

Al-Sahaf again denied that coalition troops had ever entered Iraq, stating, "The Coalition is on the verge of surrender. I know this because this morning, I myself spoke with your President Sheen."

At that point, a trembling aide whispered briefly in the ear of al-Sahaf, who then chased him around a Bradley Fighting Vehicle, slapping him with his beret.

"Bush Done Stepped to Our Game and Got Owned."

Acknowledgment: Ronald McDonald idea courtesy of Kathy Kinsley of On the Third Hand. I don't Agonist other people's stuff.