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April 07, 2003
Iraq Info Minister: Invasion of US Going Well
Berkeley Liberated; Saddam Dating Britney Spears Cross-posted: Little Tiny Lies. Iraqi Information Minister Saeed al-Sahaf spoke to members of the press today, denying again that Iraq had been invaded and claiming that over the weekend, Iraq's Republican Guard had conquered the United States of America. In weeks past, al-Sahaf spoke to reporters from a podium in Iraq's Ministry of Information. Today, he spoke from behind a stack of feed sacks at his new "branch ministry," a hastily converted chicken coop behind the suburban home of his cousin Raheem. Said al-Sahaf, eyeing the sky warily for drones, "Our troops, who are so tricky they should be referred to as the whoopee cushions and exploding cigars of Allah, have landed on the infidel's shores and liberated millions of unwashed, pig-feet-sucking Americans." Over the happy squeals of an overjoyed Peter Arnett, Al-Sahaf said Saddam's Republican Guard landed at Jones Beach, not far from Manhattan, and marched into the city, rescuing scores of falafel-cart operators who had recently been victims of severe verbal abuse. From Manhattan, Saddam's troops marched into Berkeley, freeing legions of fat dateless girls in prairie skirts. They then marched to President Bush's Crawford, Texas, ranch, where they short-sheeted the beds and made dozens of long-distance phone calls. Asked how the Iraqis had marched over 5,000 miles in a day, al-Sahaf turned to an aide and slapped him forcefully on the back of the head.
Al-Sahaf continued to maintain that US troops had never entered Iraq. He claimed he himself had entered Kuwait on Saturday and personally slaughtered a hundred thousand U.S. Marines with the stick from a shishkebab. Asked how he penetrated the tightly guarded border, al-Sahaf raised his fatigue pants to reveal a dazzling pair of ruby slippers. Bidding the press an abrupt farewell, he began clicking his heels together and muttering, "There's no place like Tikrit." Some half an hour later, a still-mumbling al-Sahaf was hustled into his "limousine," an ambulance decorated with pictures of grinning smurfs. Posted By The Right-Wing Piston at April 7, 2003 01:14 PM | TrackBackComments
Truth is stranger than fiction: Rush made a joke on his show this afternoon about the Iraqi army overrunning Yankee Stadium in the Brox, since they knew it would be empty because of the snow in New York today. Less than 30 minutes later, a caller complained to him that he had seen nothing about this attack on the local New York TV stations, and when the TV foolks asked him where he got the information, and he said "Rush," they ignored him. Rush was later told that a woman caller told his screener that the MOI's updates were "go" signals to Iraqi sleeper cells in the US. Limbaugh did all he could not to explode in laughter on the air. The gentleman caller sounded very serious. Posted by: Joe Dougherty at April 7, 2003 03:33 PMPost a comment
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