Saddam No Longer Silly Walk Power

Tonight the Pentagon confirmed that coalition bombers have succeeded in leveling Iraq's Ministry of Silly Walks.

"It's a major coup," said Secretary of Defensiveness Donald Rumsfeld. "The Iraqis have had limited success with their Vespa tanks and diesel-powered jump jets, but as anyone who has seen the fedayeen marching can tell you, their silly walk technology is second to none."

Asked what the U.S. was doing to close the silly walk gap, Rumsfeld said, "We've drafted special operatives from the entertainment community. Had we been forced to go toe-to-toe with the fedayeen goose-step, we were quite prepared to unleash eighties breakdancers Shabadoo and Michael 'Boogaloo Shrimp' Chambers, not to mention Michael Jackson and the fat guy who played 'Rerun.'"

Bone-Chilling Look at America's Silly Walk Arsenal

Of Jackson, who wears a prosthetic nose, Rumsfeld said, "He said he wanted to do it 'for the boys.' Whatever, Mr. Potato Head. We just wanted you to get out there and spasm with the rest of the freaks."

Added Rumsfeld, "Of course, once they served their purpose, we fully intended to kill them."

Little Boy and Fat Man: Jackson Gears Up For War With Depleted Uranium Codpiece

Cross-post: Little Tiny Lies.