Coalition Leaders Targeted With "Mighty Feces"

Early today, coalition cruise missiles slammed into Baghdad’s Ministry of Information. Coalition sources claim the building sustained tremendous damage. However, Iraqi Minister of Information Saeed al-Sahaf, pictured below, denies the claim and asserts that Iraqi engineers diverted the missiles to Washington, where they leveled the White House, two reform synagogues, and a store selling Honey-Baked Ham.

Al-Sahaf: "Invasion? What invasion?"

"Verily," said al-Sahaf, "Allah has smitten the head of the great serpent, and bloody great boils shall arise on its hindparts. The infidels shall taste the dung of misbegotten goats, and their leaders shall wallow face-down in our mighty feces. They laugh with the tongues of hyenas, but soon the venom of scorpions shall swell their miserable bollocks."

Asked to clarify his remarks for the rubes, al-Sahaf stated that there were no American troops on Iraqi soil, but that he had crossed into Kuwait on a magic carpet and personally killed two thousand Marines with a Swiss Army knife.

When pressed for details, al-Sahaf stormed away from the podium and threatened to melt the assembled press with his heat vision.

Cross posted: Little Tiny Lies.