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The Lawyers Made Us Do It
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May 27, 2004
"I Want a REAL War Game..."
(cross-posted from Winds of Change.NET) David Wong's memorable and hilarious "I Want a Real War Sim..." is a darkly funny video-game rant that captures the state of modern warfare better than 99.9% of the news publications out there. His rant comes complete with altered screenshots from games like Command And Conquer, Starcraft, et. al. and begins with:
It keeps getting better from there, bringing in CIA field agents, Starcraft monsters, Nude Zero-Gravity Futureball, ass-covering doublespeak - and of course, France - as it builds inexorably toward the Nicholsonesque rant at the end. This one is destined to be a humour classic. Big Hat Tip to Winds of Change.NET reader Larry Ice for recommending it. Posted By Winds of Change.NET at May 27, 2004 02:16 PM | TrackBackComments
Where can we pre-order?
Posted by: feste at May 27, 2004 03:27 PM Re: David Wong and his Ultimate War Simulation
Posted by: Average Joe at May 27, 2004 03:41 PM The Newsweek cover sums it up best. Too bad fat blobs of perfection can't run our country's defenses - all their time's used up looking cute for the French butt pirates. Posted by: torpedo_eight at May 27, 2004 03:51 PM >French butt pirates.
Posted by: feste at May 27, 2004 05:04 PM feste, you know why the french butt pirates were the first ones to get out of town when the Germans invaded?
Posted by: Jeff B at May 27, 2004 07:17 PM I want one too (a REAL War Game, not a French Butt Pirate!). Medal of Honor is nice, but ... I'll build the first map; "Mecca, Revenge of the Infidels". Posted by: Max Darkside at May 27, 2004 09:42 PM Don't forget, put in an embedded reporter (ER) that the unit has to protect. Give the ER ridiculously low hit points, and a high self direction number, so it won't follow orders and tends to wander off...if something happens to it, the unit has to return to base and pick up another ER. Posted by: Mona B. at May 28, 2004 08:32 AM Post a comment
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I want little celebrities to show up on the scene and do interviews over video of charred teddy bears, decrying my unilateral attack. I want congressional hearings demanding answers to these atrocities.