in the first day of the trial, saddam was unsuccessful in persuading the judge about the size of his "manhood".

(gotta get the easy one out of the way)

John Woo movies?! I LOVE John Woo movies!!

Saddam: "I didnt gas the kurds, BUSH gassed the kurds!, just ask Michael Moore."

Go ahead,pull both my damned fingers!I'll gas you all to oblivion!

It's just your jive talkin'
you're telling me lies, yeah
Jive talkin'

I'm not the man. YOU DA MAN!

No fair! They have Jew lawyers!

"He's my lawyer?!! I wanted Johnny Cochran!"

You are not Judge Ito! I demand Judge Ito!

"YOU'RE out of order! YOU'RE out of order! THE WHOLE TRIAL is out of order! THEY'RE out of order! THAT man, that SICK, CRAZY, DEPRAVED man, RAPED and BEAT that woman there, and he'd LIKE to do it again! It's just a show! It's a show!"

Source

Wazzuuuuuuup!

So how did Rumsfeld do that Viper Fang fighting technique? Was it something like this?

So there I was, driving my really small car like this...

"Would YOU like to be PRESIDENT FOR A DAY? Tell the folks what they've won, Johhny!"

Saddam: "The real killer is ...... Bagdad Bob!"

Damn it! Rock beats my scissors again!

"I did not have sex with that woman, ..."

So there I am minding my own business and all those Kurds came after me with knives. So I shot my way out, like this bang bang bang.

YOU WANT THE TRUTH!?! YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!

Yeah!? So what, Bush's penis is only THIS big!

Sadam Husain ends his Chewbacca Defence for the first time in a Free Iraqi court. "If Chewbacca lives on Endor, you must acquit!"

Don't I look like Dennis Miller with this neat new beard?

Tie? We doan need no steenkin' ties!

The prosecutor in the back row just said something about industrial strength shredding machines and letting the punishment fit the crime. Judge, make him stop.

One, two, three ... I'm a Yankee Doodle Dandeeee ...

one time at band camp....

WPoS

"The power of Mephistopheles compels you!! The power of Mephistopheles compels you!! The power of Mephistopheles compels you!!"

Apologies to William Peter Blatty.

Cordially...

"You found that evidence on Command Post, didn't you"

"Do you see them!!! They're right there!!! Little Green Men."

"I will take on all infidel comers! Do you hear me, Vince McMahon?!"

I WANT YOU FOR THE U.S. ARMY.

This beard is just great. And here's my impression of Michael Moore!

I never gassed the Kurds. I just poked them, like this.

Where are my dentures? They were in a blue box about this big.

Hi Alan......here's a couple......

1. "....and when they captured me I was standing there, both pistols blazing......"

2. "...and now, Bob, if you can guess what's behind door #2 ......"

3. "Heeeeey Boo Boo, whaaaat is in that pic-a-nic basket?"

4. "You want the truth? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"

***5. " Yes, your honor, that is them! Michele and Alan."***

6. "Heeeeerrreeeessss Johnny!"

7. "No! You put the lime IN the coconut, THEN you shake it all up."

8. "George Bush made them make my sleeves too short, just to try to make me look stupid and win the election."



Okay, okay, I'll get back to work.

Jeff

****YOU WANT THE TRUTH!?! YOU CAN‘T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!

Posted by johnnymozart at July 1, 2004 01:23 PM ****


Sorry, I beat you on that one Johnny Motzart. :) Please note the time it was sent to alan at com-po:

-----Original Message-----
From: benauto@direcway.com [mailto:benauto@direcway.com]
Sent: Thursday, July 01, 2004 1:15 PM
To: alan@command-post.org
Subject: Photo contest



Hi Alan......here's a couple......

1. "....and when they captured me I was standing there, both pistols blazing......"

2. "...and now, Bob, if you can guess what's behind door #2 ......"

3. "Heeeeey Boo Boo, whaaaat is in that pic-a-nic basket?"

4. "You want the truth? YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!"

***5. " Yes, your honor, that is them! Michele and Alan."***

6. "Heeeeerrreeeessss Johnny!"

7. "No! You put the lime IN the coconut, THEN you shake it all up."

8. "George Bush made them make my sleeves too short, just to try to make me look stupid and win the election."



Okay, okay, I'll get back to work.

Jeff

"My eyebrows are this long! I demand to see my beautician!"

ok, ep2k

I am not Saddam Hussein, I'm Rick James, bitch!

Mowing the lawn and the muse hit me.

1. So I held my arms out like this and said to the Zionist lackeys, "You Americans won't cuff me, I dare you to try." Seven months later, here I am.

2. Pffft, those Americans are such amateurs. Does Lyndie England really think pointing like this is torture.


3. You there bring me those OJ gloves. If they don't fit, you must aquit.

Matt LeBlanc voice

"How YOU doin?"

Bitch! You ain't Street!! I'm Street!!

You put your left hand in.
you put your left hand out.
You put your left hand in
and you shake it all about.
You do the hokey-pokey
and you turn yourself around.
Thats what it's all about,HEY!

- Dead man talking.

- I'm Algore and I demand the Florida Supreme Court!

- You talkin' to ME?

Saddam threatens Judge with "Shaolin Death Touch".

1. "Who's the quickest draw? Who's your daddy? Look, I've got both guns on you and your hands are still in your pants!"

2. "Why are you talking to me? The guys you should be talking to are Chirac and Kofi Annan. They're like this!"

You must vote for John Kerry!!! He is my only hope!

"Yes sir, you should be certain that over one inch of your cuffs is visible when your arms are raised. Also, make sure that the fit is not too tight across the shoulders. I'll show you to the dressing room."

Prosecution: Do you see the actual mass murderer in the room?
SH: Yes.
Prosecution: Will you please point to him.
SH: That is him your honor.
Prosecution: Let the record show that Mr. Hussein is pointing to ...

Arial Sharon!
AS: I confess! I did it and it felt GREAT! Bwah ha ha!

"For all the folks watching at home, yes, I am an Iraqi prisoner. Do not let these clothes and the lack of a glowstick up my ass fool you."

"Those cameras over there are from Fox! I thought I had paid for CNN cameras!"

"Let me tell you something, Mike. You're money, and you know what else? You're a big winner. I'm gonna ask you a simple question: who's the big winner tonight in the casino? Mikey, that's who. Mikey's the big winner."

"Don't you DARE lecture me about parenting!...I loved those baby rapeing, cold blooded killers. Sniff... sniff....."

You'll have plenty of time for SMOKIN' DOOBIES when you're LIVING IN A VAN down by the river!

How DARE he drag the good name of...oh, what? It's been done? ... Yeeearghhhhh!!!!

Did I see Starsky and Hutch? You bet I did! Awright!

So Baghdad Bob says to me, he says, he says... "Saddam, the Amerrrricans are a bit closer than I thought..." and I says, "Well, Bob, just how close are they?"

And he goes....

So I shot him.

Stand back.don't come any closer!

I knew John Kennedy, John Kennedy was a friend of mine, you sir Mr. Bush are no John Kennedy!

Republican Guard! Attack!

You just wait'll Jacques gets here!

Eva! Fetch my pistol!

Mother Of All Denials

"Yes, your honor, I have two sons, why do you ask?"

"And then Ms. Graham made me put my fingers in their butt, like this"

"No, you go f*ck yourself Dick Cheney"

- Saddam flips the bird in Arabic

- During a break, Saddam does the Macarena to the delight of all.

"Vote for me fellow Iraqis and I'll bring back electricity."

"But I only had two nuclear bombs your honor, and someone stole them."

"Only YOU can prevent oil field fires."

"Oh yeah? I'm a homicidal maniac? Well I'm rubber, you're glue, and everything you say bounces off me and sticks to you!"

"And then...heheheheh...and then Moe pokes Larry in the eyes...hehehehe! Praise Allah, I LOVE THE STOOGES!"

So I sez to Uday, I sez, it's when you drink tea that you hold out the little finger, when you strangle someone it's couth to hold out the forefingers, like this.

I give up. Nothing I say will be funnier than Laurence Simon.

"Do the Hustle! Do-do-do-de-do-de-do-doo-doo"

or

"how can I shoot women & children? Easy, just don't lead 'em as much.......Oh, and hold your guns like this."

or

"You, little girl, come on up & tell Saddam-claus what you want for Ramadan"

Alan and Michele, I'll be watchin' you two reeaaallll close.

Alan..Michele....you laugh at me one more time, and I'm banning you from this trial.

You think you can use me for compost on Com-Post?

That plastic shredder was for shredding credit cards after I got my home equity loan from Ditech.

"If my fingers touch...KABOOM!"

"I am a human divining rod, when my fingers cross you dig for WMD"

"The one that got away was this big"

'What's that?'
'It's a judge Saddam'
'A judge?'
'Yes a judge, you have them in courts'
'Courts?'
'That's where you try people for their crimes'
'Oh a shredder'
'No where people talk a lot...'
'And do nothing...yes I know the UN. I have more oil contracts if you want them.'
'no...talk a lot and decide guilt'.
'Guilt?'

Egad...'Sent my entry in yesterday afternoon ( to alan@command-post.org ) but haven't seen it posted yet ('love the entries so far). 'Hope you got it. It's located here (scroll down to second image):

http://sisu.typepad.com/sisu/2004/07/post_4.html

But in the Iran Iraq War I was this close to the Republican Party

How is the caption contest being handled?

Will it close? What happens then?