If Jack Grimes were in charge of America, he says, he would finally set things right.

He would establish a fascist dictatorship based on the teachings of Benito Mussolini and Saddam Hussein, and he would rely on telepathy and astrology to help him make his decisions.

It’s bound to happen, he says, since he’s been sent “by the gods” to revive the “Roman empire.”

Which is why Grimes, the leader of the United Fascist Union, is running for president this year. His destiny, he says, is nothing the American people should fear.

And he’s not the only “out there” candidate looking to get on write-in ballots.

They insist that they’re not only wise to a host of government conspiracies but that they’ve been chosen, as if by an occult hand, to take over the country.— — — Just ask Sterling Allan, a 40-year-old hopeful from Utah.

He’s conferred with his bibles, and they’ve suggested he might be just the person America needs to solve its problems.

Allan interpreted that message through the alphabetics bible code - a system he says he created and pushed so adamantly that the Mormon church excommunicated him for apostasy.

….

Randy Crow of Wilmington, N.C., argues that he’s the candidate hand-picked by God.

Crow, who in his Internet writings refers to himself as “The Lamb,” “The Lord of Lords” and “The Returning Christ,” points to the birthmarks on his right forearm as proof, saying they could be the “marks of spikes stuck in my wrists on the Cross the first time around.”

[…]

In a speech to the Flying Saucer Society of Dover, Del., in 1998, he suggested the government, in exchange for highly advanced technology, had agreed to allow aliens to kill off most of humanity before populating the Earth.

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